Triads (The original author story)
by Khiori
Summary: Saavik struggles to find her heart's place, contending with both Valeris and the past. (I am the original author of this story. I did NOT give permission for any person to post this story on any account (except for my OWN) or website-NOR did I give permission for it to be altered, even a little bit, contrary to any claims. RESPECT, people.)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Lieutenant Commander Saavik resisted the urge to count to ten. Afterall, ten was nowhere near the number she required, so counting to it would merely be an exercise in illogic. She forced herself to focus on the breathing disciplines.

*So much for exposure building immunity.*

She fought the urge to shift again in the uncomfortable transport chair, keeping her eyes firmly on the scarred deckplate beneath her polished boots.

Down the cramped aisle, Ambassador Sarek's low baritone continued, drifting back to her sharp ears far too easily. "-accomplishments are remarkable already. And to achieve such notable distinction before your fellow classmates is an honor. Your mentor must be well pleased."

Saavik could almost feel Valeris' black eyes flick triumphantly in her direction. The sudden pain in her jaw warned her that she was clenching her teeth again.

*However, one million offers distinct possibilities.*

Beside her, the Lady Amanda closed her time worn book with a small grimace. "Keep reminding yourself that she is young. I find it helps."

Saavik wondered how badly she had been caught in her failing patience with Valeris.

Amanda's eyes were soft in the dimmed light. "And you have not been yourself since we left Vulcan." Her gaze swept through Saavik. "In my experience," she continued carefully, "sentient beings possess more than one way to protect themselves. Emotions can be shields as much as they can be weapons."

Saavik didn't know how to answer that. "Forgive me for disrupting your reading, Lady."

Amanda's mouth twitched. "You have not been a disruption since childhood." Saavik lifted her gaze to find the familiar mischevious glint in the human's blue eyes. "And even then, it was quite entertaining."

Saavik's eyebrow shot up. "You have an unsettling view of entertainment. I very nearly destroyed your prize roses."

The glint became more pronounced. "They would have grown back."

"Only with genetic intervention," Saavik corrected.

As Amanda chuckled, Saavik's eyes found Valeris again. The young cadet was practically preening under the ambassador's approval. She sighed, chiding herself for uncomplimentary thoughts towards the girl. "I am a poor friend."

Amanda frowned and slowly shook her elegant silvered head. "No," she said, her own eyes studying the girl, "if anything, you error more the opposite." The lady raised a displeased eyebrow. "I do not trust that one. No matter what my son says."

Saavik flinched hard and quickly turned her face to the stars.

Amanda's mouth tightened and she fingered the antique binding of the book in her lap worriedly. "Now it is my turn to ask forgiveness."

Saavik found that her knuckles had turned white and she forced her hands to relax. She turned dark eyes to Amanda. "He is your son," she said softly.

"Saavik-" Carefully manicured fingers hovered just over her uniformed knee.

"I will not discuss it," said Saavik firmly.

Amanda pulled back, looking away, and Saavik felt a terrible relief and pain that her choice stood. *But I would be a fool to mistake compliance with agreement.* She felt inexorably tired. *I should never have come.*

And her refusing to talk about it had hurt Amanda. "You would," she said quietly, "regret the knowledge."

Amanda reached out again, this time to actually catch Saavik's chin and lift it, requiring her eyes to follow. The look in the blue eyes made her breath catch in her throat. "How could I," Amanda asked gently, "when I regret nothing else of you?"

But Saavik insistently protested. "If you knew me better-"

The human's fingers gripped hard, forcing her to stop. "I would only declare it more firmly." At Saavik's open disbelief, Amanda released her chin with a sigh and leaned wearily back in her chair. Saavik realized with a shock that the human looked... old somehow. "Saavik, you have lived with us since my son's fal-tor-pan. Does that not say enough?"

Saavik's eyes watched Valeris. "I do not mistake kindness for approval."

"You should," Amanda said reprovingly."They are the same."

Sarek's low rumble filled Saavik's silence. "-you will have your choice of assignment, no doubt. Have you give adequate meditation upon the possibilities?"

"Yes, Ambassador," Valeris said smoothly and Saavik found their eyes locking, "and my preference remains ship duty. Captain Spock has said he will assist in placing me aboard Enterprise, if I choose."

Saavik's eyes dropped temperature sharply.

"Although," Valeris said, her narrow chin rising in cool defiance, "I have been...discouraged from the pursuit."

Sarek's eyebrow rose. "I fail to see the logic of the divergent-"

*Damn.* Saavik resigned herself to the inevitable, feeling a dull dark humor over how Valeris had so neatly shaded the 'discouragement' into jealousy. *And I am the one who is supposed to have Romulan cunning.*

But then Amanda was rising gracefully, gathering her sapphire robes and Saavik felt surprise, then a deep gratitude. *She guards me. In spite of my choice.*

The lady's laser blue eyes pierced Valeris, burning away some of the girl's smug victory. She shifted uneasily and dropped her eyes.

The corner of Amanda's mouth flickered for just an instant and then she was unreadable again, though her gaze never left the girl. "My husband, it is quite late and I-" her eyes sharpened into reproof, "-find myself quite human."

Saavik watched the hidden insult hit Valeris and arched an eyebrow in amazement as her white skin darkened noticably. Sarek, however, merely tilted his head in gentle confusion.

*As Amanda, no doubt, intended.* She was, after all, a lady.

Saavik started to rise. "Lady Amanda, you will require escort-"

A negative movement of her fine hand halted Saavik and she almost winced, knowing from sore experience the suddenly flawless smile that silkened those lips.

*She is not done with Valeris yet.* Her dark humor returned. *Nor with me.*

Very deliberately, Amanda extended two well-manicured fingers in the tradional expression. But even Sarek was not fooled into thinking the gesture was anything less than a command. He straightened broad shoulders and complied gracefully,

though Saavik's mouth twisted at the Amanda-wary look in his dark eyes.

*I remember once when Sp-*

She bit back the sudden pain, pushing the memory of the lean form away that had somehow managed to get past her guard.

A dignified Sarek came down the aisle, his robes swinging gently with his gait. His fingers lightly touched Amanda's.

"My husband, would you accompany me? There are family matters to attend to before we arrive and-" her eyes shifted over his House stones and landed squarely on Valeris again, "-and I am sure Lieutenant Commander Saavik can attend the child."

Valeris' eyes hardened while Saavik grimaced internally. *Compliance but not agreement. If I will not attend to the one, I will be made to attend to the other.*

She felt the exhaustion return.

Ambassador Sarek studied his wife's eyes and slowly inclined his head. "I would be honored, my wife." But his gaze shifted from Valeris to Saavik with thought. He extended his arm to Amanda with care.

They passed Saavik and she felt the firm *do as I say* look the lady gave her. She shifted uncomfortably in the chair and bowed to the other's will. A sigh escaped her as the lounge doors irised shut behind them and she turned to find Valeris' eyes on her. She met the icy disdain with sheer stubborn refusal to give way.

Saavik studied the girl as thoughtfully as she would an potiential enemy, noting absently the hints of what would be a woman's fullness. Unusual for a Vulcan, the thin gold ring glinting from her left hand and the almost sensuous beauty mark below the curve of her lip, giving the black hair and almost fragile white skin an alluring tone. Entertwined with her dark intelligence and rapidly escalating achievements, Saavik had no doubt that Valeris would be formidable in potiential.

Her eyes narrowed, and she shook her head. *If she can be properly directed. Or controlled.*

She literally felt the headache coming. *I should have counted.*

It had been different once. Before Sp-

Saavik pushed the thought away. And realized that Valeris was watching her in a way that made her old Hellguard survival instincts shiver awake. She almost tasted the blood.

Her mouth twisted at so animalistic a response. "I concede your previous assessment of my character."

"That is only logical," Valeris said coolly, eyes assessing Saavik closely, "I could, of course, assist you in refining your control. My abilities in the Vulcan disciplines-"

Saavik replied dryly, "I will manage for myself."

"If you say." Valeris lowered dark eyelashes. "I do not fault your... lapses. Coming from so...disadvantaged a heritage is undoubtably difficult."

The headache drew closer.

"As your friend," Valeris continued easily, "I am only offering observation. And my concern. I would not wish to see you fail before Spock. He was, afterall, your mentor before I advanced."

Saavik's jaw worked. "I appreciate your concern," she ground out.

Valeris inclined her head graciously and began to casually gather the Ambassador's padds. "I informed him that you would be coming to the peace talks."

Saavik's face drained of all color. "You *what?*" she finally rasped.

Valeris' eyes widened. "I assumed a reunion would please you. You would prefer otherwise?"

Saavik felt truly ill. Her heart banged in her side and she felt hot.

"I see," said Valeris, her black eyes absorbing. "I extend my apologies." She tilted her head in mock thoughtfulness. "Although, your...reaction does shed some understanding on his response."

Saavik went still. "What response?"

"When I informed him of your coming arrival, he seemed...most unsettled. It was quite disconcerting." She watched Saavik's face tighten. "Was there some...incident between you?"

Unbidden, Genesis rose up once more.

Saavik swallowed hard, feeling cold now with the actual realization of her haunted dreams every night since Genesis, now plaguing her with each hour that brought her closer to Spock.

*I know what he thinks of it now.* She lowered her eyes in utter shame.

"It was not my intention to cause difficulty." said Valeris calmly, "Perhaps I might rectify my error with a suggestion? What might be needed is a, shall we say, mediator? Someone to...soften the ground and allow logic to prevail over emotion."

Saavik grasped at the fragile possiblity. *If I can be allowed to explain-!* Then the sick feeling returned and deepened. She could not ask Amanda when this involved her son's most intimate honor. Saavik flinched at the thought of Amanda's hurt.

Yet neither could she enlist the servces of the traditional Vulcan intermediaries for such sensitive matters. She was no Vulcan citizen so held no right to their counsel. And no time existed to contact any other she trusted, even if she had thought they'd understand the weight involved. "There is no one I can send for me." She was alone in this.

Valeris moved closer. "Not so. As this difficulty is inadvertantly my cause, I would be more than willing to fulfill the responsibility."

Saavik's head came up incrediously. "You would-" Her brow knit. "Why?"

Valeris' black eyebrow arched. "Are we not friends?"

"Technically," Saavik gave. Her eyes narrowed. "Yet I would hardly call our relationship without conflict."

"True," granted Valeris, "yet this is merely a sign of our...comfort with each other."

"Our *comfort?*"

"Consider our mentor's relationship with Doctor McCoy. Their banter is famous throughout Starfleet, yet it in no way interferes with their ability to assist one another in difficulty."

Saavik frowned at the truth in Valeris' words.

"We have strong...personalities." Valeris continued smoothly, her chin tilting. "It is only natural for there to be, at times, conflict." Her eyebrows lifted. "Afterall, the Lady Amanda and you are currently engaged in just such a... difference of opinion. Do you deny her friendship?"

"I cannot nor would I want to," Saavik admitted.

"Then is it not acceptable also to grant us ours?"

Saavik's frown deepened, hesitating still.

"Pride is not a Vulcan characteristic. You need my assistance. Unless, of course, you feel that you may discuss your... difficulty with Captain Spock without repercussions?"

Saavik literally cringed at the thought of meeting those eyes. *When I informed him of your coming arrival...*

A hollowness filled her and her shoulders sagged. *After all he has done for me, I can no longer hide. I must face Genesis and attend this.*

Saavik took a deep shaking breath. "Sit. I will tell you what you must know for this... mediation."

"And then?" Valeris asked carefully.

"I will agree to his decision." Saavik felt only dead inside. "And you will be certain that all shame is mine alone."

Valeris inclined her head. "Of course. You may trust me in this, I will have only his best intentions in mind. As your friend."

But Saavik wasn't listening. The roar of Genesis filled her ears, overrushing her mind. And she felt only an all-encompassing grief.

*I never meant to shame him.*


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"You didn't throw her out an airlock, did you?"

Saavik paused right in the middle of unfastening her uniform jacket. Amanda didn't know what just happened with Valeris and Saavik couldn't tell her. She redirected her response instead to what the other woman expected by giving her a reproving look. "It is not socially responsible to tempt a Romulan."

Amanda laughed, knowing she was one of the rare few Saavik attempted such humor with. "Sorry!" She held out a mother's hand automatically, waiting for the jacket.

Saavik slid out of the crimson material and watched good-naturedly as Amanda shook it out and proceeded to hang it in the closet. Then she bent and began to break the seal on her boots.

"I am proud of you."

Saavik stopped. She looked up in surprise. "I beg your pardon?"

Amanda motioned her to sit on the edge of the bed and then knelt down to help remove her boots. Saavik's eyes widened and she instantly started to rise, a protest on her lips.

But Amanda caught her wrist, staying her. "It is my honor to serve."

Saavik insisted feverishly, "A lady should not-"

Amanda looked at her. Saavik's color darkened and she lowered her head.

She heard the older woman sigh and felt her chin once more gripped and raised firmly. After a few moments, she lifted her eyes rose hesitantly, and Amanda smiled gently, patting her cheek. Then she bent again to the boots.

"Airlock number four was on the engineering report today."

"Amanda!"

Amanda grinned. She slipped the first boot off and set it to the side, then she started on the other. "Admit it, she is unbearable."

"Amanda."

"Okay, okay. What does she think of the ship?"

"I have a list of her recommended improvements."

"No! Of what?"

"Security alterations mostly."

Amanda snorted. "One of Starfleet's more respected vessels, and she criticizes it!" She got the other boot off and set it beside the first, then rose smoothly to head back to the closet. She peered inside as Saavik padded silently into the bathroom and began to undress fully. "Where are the rest of your clothes?"

Saavik frowned at her reflection in the mirror. "That is the sum of my apparel, why?"

"What do you sleep in?"

Saavik folded her undertunic and trousers neatly. "In my bed."

"Saavik!"

She resisted a smile. "May I assume you are referring to sleeping attire?"

A sigh drifted from the closet. "Yes!"

"In that event, no."

There was a long pause. "Why?"

"Reaction time to nocturnal alerts is substantially increased by the elimination."

"You're kidding."

"Rarely. It allows immediate uniform access and thus faster post check-in."

"You're kidding."

"Amanda, in battle every minute counts."

"Do you mean that all this time you lived in my house, where my husband lives by the way, you've slept n-"

Saavik knew Ambassador Sarek would never violate her privacy by entering her bedroom unasked, even if that bedroom was in his own home. Therefore, the question was a nonissue. "If it would assist your comfort level, a suitable garment may be replicated."

"Good. Any particular color?"

Saavik blinked. "It is significant?"

"Not until there is someone..."

Saavik flinched. She looked down at her hands and found her long fingers clenched together into fists. "Green," she said softly.

"What?"

"I would prefer it be green."

Amanda was silent a moment then went to the replicator. She punched in her order with deliberate firmness. "When do we rendezvous with the Enterprise?"

*Too soon.* "Twelve hours, thirty-three minutes and forty-seven point one nine five seconds. Assuming we maintain current course and speed."

And in a sudden flash, without knowing its cause except that he was always on her mind these days, Saavik was standing over Spock's body in Sickbay-his face burned horribly, its once sanguine lines like something out of hell. The bitter tang of ozone and the ugly stench of the core chamber malfunction tangled in his once perfectly combed hair. It mixed with the charring of his crimson uniform, torn and splattered with emerald blood, and seemed to fill the entire room with the acrid stench. Her eyes stared, unable to look away, at the heat warped insignia that lay twisted on his breast as a voice, a human woman's voice, from somewhere behind her said, "I'm sorry. I know what he meant to yo-"

Saavik fought the urge to vomit and struggled desperately against the memory, her vision blurring and her long fingers trembling. *I cannot live through this again. I will not! *

Her teeth ground together, and she forced her mind forward, reciting frantically the old lessons of calming he had taught her. *To keep my nightmares away.*

As some measure of control returned, she slowly straightened, clearing her voice shakily and hoping against everything that Amanda would not catch the husky overtones she could not hide. "And barring all incidents."

But the instant the words were out of her mouth, her fine hearing caught the sharp hissed intake of Amanda's breath and she knew she'd made a terrible error. The pain returned tightly in her chest, and this time, it was accompanied by the acid sting of shame.

*I am not the only one who lost him.* Anger surged then, roaring over the shame with a white hot wave. *Valeris is right.* Her teeth clenched until they threatened to crack. *Can I do nothing right?*

Outside, Amanda forced herself away from the bulkhead and willed the sudden white-knuckled grip on the green silk to ease. She shivered violently and struggled to clear her eyes. *She needs me. I must be-*

She pulled her best diplomat's wife smile on like a mask and walked with deliberate assumed lightness to the bathroom doorway. But she did not cross over, no matter how her heart screamed at her to do so. Only the years on Vulcan kept her outside - that and the terrible agonizing knowledge that Saavik needed some dignity left. So she waited, painfully, trembling even, but waited. Then without a word, she held out the bundle of cloth.

And Saavik, without meeting her eyes, reached hesitantly out from the shadows and took it.

Amanda found she had been holding her breath and released it quietly. She stepped silently over the threshold and gently began to assist her to dress. The soft green silk slid down Saavik's body, caressing comfort like a hand against her skin. Amanda smoothed its lines with light fingertips, feeling the tension slowly start to ease.

She bent, taking the single brush from the counter, and began ever so tenderly to brush the long sable hair, knowing the steady rhythm of the strokes would say what she could not. And she knew she had succeeded when, after a while, Saavik turned ever so slightly and regarded her with intense dark eyes.

Amanda nodded once and the most quiet of sighs escaped Saavik.

"I...will see him tomorrow."

Amanda nodded again, and continued brushing.

There was the longest of hesitations and then, so quietly it was almost not there, "I am afraid."

Amanda's eyes burned and she blinked rapidly. And just as quietly, so that it also was almost not there, "So am I."

Saavik nodded once, accepting it with the grim resignation borne of Hellguard's childhood, then her Romulan dark humor rose and she caught Amanda with a wicked glint in her eye. "But Valeris is more. I informed her on our tour that Starfleet instructed me to supervise her interactions on board the Enterprise."

Amanda laughed. "Give her to the Klingons."

"Premeditated homicide would damage my record."

She grinned. "You could take asylum on Vulcan."

"Now you are tempting me again."

"Only because I would like to keep you longer."

Saavik tilted her head in surprise. "You would?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Then she shook the brush at Saavik, "And don't you DARE give me the list."

A blush colored Saavik's cheeks. Amanda resisted a smile at how becoming it made the young woman look and went back to brushing.

"I will assign her to accompany the Starfleet contingent," Saavik said quietly.

"You'll WHAT?" Amanda gripped Saavik's arm and forced her to turn around.

Saavik raised her chin and met the blue fire in Amanda's eyes without flinching, the terrible stubbornness Amanda most feared raising again the unmovable wall between them. "As we are both well aware of your hearing levels, I see no logic in the repetition." She removed her arm briskly from Amanda's grasp and stalked out of the bathroom.

Anger flared uncontrollably in Amanda and she slammed the brush down on the counter, running after her in a whirl of robes. "You COWARD!"

Saavik slammed her desk chair out of the way and whipped around as it collided with the bulkhead. Her fair cheeks were flushed and this time there was only danger in the color. "What do YOU know of me?" she hissed.

Amanda felt a sudden bite of pain in her heart, but it only intensified her anger. "I know you well enough to know when you're hiding behind honor. You've done it before!"

"And I will continue doing it until it is enough!"

"It will never BE enough!" Amanda snapped back.

"In your opinion."

"In my knowledge!"

"This discussion is closed."

"This discussion has never been *opened*!"

"You agreed to abide by my decision!"

"A damn lot of choice *you* gave me. You wouldn't have come otherwise!"

"I shouldn't have come at all!"

"YOU CAN'T LET HER HAVE HIM!"

Sudden frigid silence slammed between them, and Amanda found that she was breathing hard, her fingernails digging into the flesh of her palms. She forced her rocketing heartrate to slow and realized that there were tears in her eyes. "Please don't let her have him."

The fury drained out of Saavik's face and her shoulders lowered. She turned away to the shadows of a corner and Amanda bit her lip hard knowing that all of Saavik's childhood survival instincts were screaming for a safe place. A place-

*A place to guard her back.*

Guilt filled Amanda and she found her whole body heavy with exhaustion. *Which was what I was supposed to be.*

Amanda wanted to weep. For Saavik, for herself, for her son. But she knew it would do nothing to help any of them. *I don't know if anything can.*

She thought of tomorrow. Amanda squared her shoulders determinedly and reached out hesitantly, knowing full well the barely contained rage of emotions Saavik fought, and, as lightly as a single breath, she touched the desert hot skin. The contact flared instantly and before Saavik could throw her shields up, Amanda and she were falling as one. *No!*

But the link tangled and their minds could not tear apart. And Amanda stood on a world she had never seen, blinking against the howling of the wind that threw alien dust into her eyes and pulled like claws against her hair. She found herself on an incline, watching a golden haired man grasping her only weapon awkwardly and disappearing into the waving trees.

*He will die. It should have been me.*

And then a noise came from behind her, a sound that escalated piercingly into a scream above even that of the terrible wind, and Amanda felt a paralyzing fear stab through her. Her mother's soul knew that tortured voice even here.

*My son!* She began to turn. The wind slammed into her, whipping her flesh mercilessly, pushing her back. *No!*

Suddenly furious, Amanda fought back, lowering her head and forcing herself against the roar. *It's my son! Spock!*

And then Saavik was there, blocking her with eyes of flame, her dark hair churning wildly like a storm.

Amanda was flung out of the meld and cried out, as much in physical pain as in mental anguish. She staggered and her knees buckled, but powerful arms caught her, swept her up.

"Spock!"

She thrashed, confused, and the arms held tighter. Panicked, she fought, and brutally firm fingers pressed against her face.

*Do not fight me.*

But Amanda fought, rage and tears and agony rolling insanely in all directions as she struggled against what held her.

*My son!*

*He is safe.*

*No, I hear-*

*The past. He is safe.*

*He needs-*

*Neither of us now.*

And the terrible all consuming ache behind the voice broke her heart. Instinctively, she reached out blindly and found herself being held by Saavik.

Amanda inhaled desperately as if it were her last drowning breath, and was immediately racked with uncontrollable shivering. Saavik pulled her close, dragging the softness of a blanket around her. Amanda felt the firmness of the bed beneath her back, and the room began to solidify around her. Slowly her tearing shakes eased and she gulped air weakly, trying to restore her banging heart as she unclenched the green silk.

"You are certain that Sarek is still in meditation?"

Amanda felt foggy, but leaned against the bonding to her husband. He was. A part of her felt curiously angry about it. Illogical. "Yes, why?"

Saavik drew long fingers gently over Amanda's face and brushed grayed hair out of blue eyes. "Because otherwise I shall have to order an explanation that is sufficiently swift to appease a husband."

Amanda laid her head back and laughed tiredly. "At my age, hitting the deckplates would be worse."

"That is easy for you to say. He would not be trying to kill you."

Amanda fought a grin and rubbed her eyes. It brought memory and she grew somber. "That was the Genesis Planet, wasn't it?"

Saavik's face instantly masked and she averted her eyes, but not before Amanda saw the shame.

And very quietly, very suddenly, Amanda at last understood. Everything.

She blinked rapidly, feeling a deep sense of pride and affection for Saavik. And a terrible pain for her as well. *It should not have been this way. She deserves better.* She remembered that howl she heard from her son, crying to the wind of his pain and loneliness. *They both do.*

Amanda's hands shook again. She reached out and touched Saavik ever so gently. "It would... please me if you would stand by me tomorrow," she said softly, offering the only thing she could.

Saavik looked back suddenly intense, but then her eyes clouded over and dropped. "My place is-"

"With your family," Amanda said firmly.

But Saavik shook her head and rose. "I have no family."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The great vaulted recreation deck of the Enterprise was a prime study of controlled chaos. Starfleet officers, Federation diplomats, Klingon and Romulan representatives milled about in the large space, the mixture of languages a din hovering in the air like smoke. This was the opening reception, a chance for initial introductions, drink and some food, music and pleasant interaction before the formal presentations began. It would probably work if the talk about developing strong peace treaties wasn't doubted by so many present.

Saavik stood in crisp full dress uniform, the crimson jacket with its extended lapskirt glittering gold from its embroidered lines and officer's braids in the overhead lights. The black skirt was pressed to perfection and her boots were polished to mirror intensity. Her dark hair lay exactly about her shoulders in complete regulation length, and she stood correctly at parade rest precisely behind the Lady Amanda's right elbow. The fine angled lines of her faces were properly and utterly Vulcan, and her dark eyes showed sufficient alertness to maintain politeness. She spoke directly yet diplomatically whenever a question was put to her by one of the passing guests, and nodded fractionally at the right depth to any salutation.

And Amanda was about two seconds from kicking her.

She glanced sideways, checking Sarek.

The Ambassador was still deeply engaged in a mind numbing swirl of logistics and philosophy with one of the Romulan envoys, his rich chocolate robes lending him a grace that still caught her heart after all the years. His House jewels glinted upon his chest, their smooth surfaces enhancing his gold chain of office and the tiny IDIC pin upon his shoulder. His voice was deep and captivating, his argument flawless, and she resisted a smile. The Romulan was in trouble.

She caught her husband's eyes and signaled with the barest flick of her fingers that she had business elsewhere. Without even pausing, he gave the slightest tilt of his head, acknowledging.

Amanda gathered her wine colored robes and walked with utter casualness towards the ship's gardens, knowing without even having to look that Saavik fell into obedient step behind.

She wanted to sigh.

Of their own accord, her eyes found Valeris in the crowd back by the viewports. The cadet stood beside Spock at his right hand, spotless in her Academy uniform and far closer to him than Amanda liked. He was introducing her to one of the admirals - Cartwright, if she remembered correctly. Amanda shook her head in disgust.

*Just great. He'll probably love the little -*

And then Spock was looking their way, wiping away instantly every one of Amanda's other thoughts as she stopped breathing. His eyes touched Saavik and he started to step towards her-

\- and Valeris caught his sleeve ever so slightly, her lips near his ear - and he turned away. The crowd shifted, walling them out.

Amanda felt a white hot fury erupt inside. *I'm going to-*

But a sudden, utterly immovable grip held her arm.

"Saavik," Amanda warned, her voice low and dangerous, "let go."

"I believe the correct situational response is: 'No way in hell'."

Amanda couldn't help it, her mouth twitched. She fought a smile and then gave up, shaking her head in disbelief as she realized that her anger was gone. "Who taught you how to do that?"

One eyebrow angled up. "Hellguard. Unless you were referring to the specific phrase and then I must attribute the acquisition to Captain Kirk."

Amanda had to cover her mouth with one hand to smother a laugh. "No, not the *swearing*! I mean who taught you to redirect emotions like that? That was a classic diplomatic-" Amanda stopped, as Saavik's face told her exactly who.

*Spock.*

Amanda stared at the wall of bodies, knowing that Valeris was behind there somewhere. With Spock. She scowled. "I can't believe we're losing to-"

She stopped and then slowly turned around, pinning Saavik with a suddenly penetrating scrutiny. "You do not lose."

Saavik looked away.

Amanda took a deliberate step forward, feeling her anger returning. Her fingers tightened into fists and it was all she could do to keep from using them to at least shake the younger woman. "You're not fighting."

Saavik shifted, but would not meet the accusation in Amanda's blue eyes. Amanda gritted her teeth. "At least have the courtesy to tell me WHY."

"There is nothing to tell," Saavik murmured softly. "It is not my decision."

"Like hell it's not!"

Saavik shook her head, looking very tired beneath the Vulcan front. "I do not expect you to understand."

Amanda wished she had picked up one of the champagne glasses earlier. It would have given her something to throw. "Then TELL me so I-"

And then she knew. The color drained out of her face, leaving her feeling sick inside.

*Honor. For him.*

"Oh, Saavik." Amanda's shoulders sagged. *How can pride and pain be so mixed together?*

She felt a feather-light touch on her arm and found Saavik's fingertips resting ever so hesitantly against her robe. She had to strain to hear her voice.

"I need to know..." Saavik swallowed.

"That he wants you as much as you want him," Amanda finished softly.

Saavik's eyes widened. "That he still desires any contact with me."

Amanda shook her head and smiled, her eyes finding Sarek in the crowd. "I remember what it was like to hope." She looked back at Saavik and touched her hand gently. "And to be afraid to hope."

Saavik's eyes dropped for a long moment and then raised. "You are kind, Lady."

Amanda laughed. "I am truthful. Come on, let's find those roses Leonard was talking about."

From across the room, behind the press of bodies, Spock listened only dimly to the conversation going on around him. He wondered broodingly if Valeris was correct.

Saavik eyed the pristine white rose clinically. "Your roses are substantially superior."

Across from her, Amanda grinned into the smooth petals she was smelling and straightened, giving Saavik a mock shake of her finger. "You, my dear, are biased."

Saavik arched her eyebrow, dignified, making Amanda's grin widen as calculated.

But then a sudden shaft of distress slid along her heart and she bent to hide it under another bud inspection, pushing the unbidden image of him away. Yet, as she absently touched the velvet petals, she found herself searching the crowd's wall again, looking for him.

Saavik shook her head in growing self-disgust, and when she looked again, she could see Valeris.

"You still haven't told me which rose suits you best."

Saavik turned dark eyes to Amanda and wondered idly if the geneticists had yet perfected the color bl-

A single rose, so red that its edges were rippled black, brushed against her chin and slid smoothly into her hand. A warm baritone murmured in her ear, "If I may make a suggestion?"

Saavik's whole being winced and she sighed long-sufferingly. "Mister Archernar."

The Romulan chuckled. "It has been a long time, Little Cat." He stepped back, allowing her to turn reluctantly, and swept an aristocratic bow made only the more dramatic by the swirl of his traveling cloak. He straightened, the silver overstitching of his black tunic and trousers shimmering in the light, and his dark eyes studied her appraisingly. A wry smile touched his lips. "You are beautiful."

Saavik fought a violent blush, wishing suddenly that Amanda was elsewhere. "Since when do smugglers attend diplomatic functions?" she demanded tightly.

He grinned, and with a brazen familiarity that made Amanda's eyebrows hit the vaulted ceiling, he took Saavik's hand and laid a lover's kiss upon her fingers. "BUSINESSMEN are always prudent to watch the waters."

Saavik's eyes narrowed and she swiftly extracted her hand. "Then watch them elsewhere."

His eyes positively glinted with mischief. "But they are decidedly more... pleasurable here. Besides, there is the small matter of an old debt."

Saavik's eyes almost became slits. "Is that so?"

Beside her, Amanda frowned at both of them.

Archernar laid a mockingly shocked hand over his heart. "Would I lie to such a lovely lady as yourself?"

"Most assuredly. And I am not a Lady."

"How fortunate for me," he murmured casually, studying again the way the crimson uniform fit. Then he blinked and turned a suddenly charming smile on Amanda. "My manners must still be on board my ship. I beg your pardon, my lady-?"

Saavik could see the instinctive urge to step back cross Amanda's face; she moved protectively closer to the small woman, but she felt a rush of irrational pride as Amanda's chin went up and the human slipped forward to stand between Archernar and Saavik.

"Amanda of Vulcan." Her smile had warning teeth in it. "I believe you've already met my son, Spock."

The Romulan was taken aback and Saavik's eyes glinted. *Yes, definitely more than one diplomat in the family.*

Archernar smiled, inclining his head in repentant respect, and took Amanda's hand with an artful grace. "Then I am doubly honored to meet you, my lady." His gaze slid over her to Saavik. "Spock is a good friend, is he not?"

Saavik narrowed her eyes at him.

Archernar's mouth twitched. "Yes, of course."

He straightened and looked about. "And what is our friend Spock up to these days?" His dark eyes shifted slyly back. "I notice he keeps... interesting company."

She stiffened instantly and then cursed herself, but it was too late. Archernar's smile grew.

And then Amanda's matched his, making Saavik go utterly still.

Amanda laughed, and slid her arm into his, neatly trapping him more completely than if she had used a phaser.

"That would be the young Valeris," Amanda said, her smile warmly disarming. "Here, allow me the honor of introducing you."

Saavik looked down at the red rose in her hand and very, very carefully kept the smile off her face as she lifted it up to smell. *Damn.*

Spock moved through the periphery of the crowd like a shadow, some traitorous corner of his mind stirring with the memory of a world now gone, of dark bloody nights spent hunting. And being hunted. But the moonless memory wasn't his, it belonged to the woman who had just crossed the room with his mother, so he forced it away. A feeling of sudden loneliness tightened his chest and he hesitated, looking back for Valeris. The cadet still stood as spellbound by Cartwright as when he had slipped away. It was doubtful that she ever noticed he was gone.

*But SHE would have.*

Spock nearly grimaced, and pushed his way forward. *It is illogical to regret what is.* And Valeris was a worthy companion. *But not-*

And Saavik was there.

She was standing lost in thought, her long fingers turning a single perfect rose idly. Spock frowned disapprovingly at the color, shifting his eyes to probe the specimens closest. Discarding them as unlikely, his frown deepened into something suspiciously akin to worry. His eyes turned back to Saavik. She had moved further into the gardens and, without having to even consider it, he followed, knowing exactly where she would go.

Lost amid the trees, in the most secluded corner of the gardens, was a single viewport. Saavik ducked her head beneath the leaves, her dark hair catching the starlight warmly as she did, and settled back against a trunk as languidly as her namesake. Spock watched her body slowly relax, the rigid requirements of both an officer and a Vulcan easing away. In the shadows beneath the branches, the crimson of her uniform blackened like the rose, and she leaned her head back to watch the stars, baring the white of her throat.

*She is beautiful. I wish-*

Spock blinked suddenly, shaking his head reproachfully at himself for the slip in discipline, and turned to go.

"Stay."

A terrible shiver ran through him and he froze, both appalled at being discovered and curiously relieved. He turned back slowly, his eyes meeting Saavik's. The glint in hers made an answering one in his. He stepped forward hesitantly. "It would appear," he cleared his throat, "that my skills of undetection are sorely lacking."

Her eyes sparkled brighter. "Though how you have managed that after such exposure to me, I do not know."

They looked at each other for a long moment and Spock realized that his respiratory rate had altered. He started to refocus his biocontrol and then stopped, realizing with a sudden shock that he didn't want to. Instead, he found himself ducking under the leaves. Saavik shifted, opening a space beside her against the bark, and after only an instant's hesitation, he settled there.

A comfortable silence eased over them that he had thought impossible, and Spock found his senses expanding, unlocking things forgotten and-

-and a terrible pain as-

-bruising her flesh unmercifully, he pushed her back and-

*No! I would never-*

His eyes reached for the stars, trying to hold them tight like wards against the sudden images. But their light tore him and he closed his eyes hard, trying to shut out everything. Yet, like an accusing distorted shade, Genesis rose up, fragmented, burning-

*-Yes! No! I was burning and-*

He tried to refocus the memories as Valeris had been helping him.

-fire and pain and crimson cloth tearing and-

Spock's eyes snapped open in disbelief and horror.

Beside him, Saavik frowned and reached out to touch him. "Spock, what is th-"

Instinctively, he flinched away and slammed his shields in place. *How can she stand here and know that I- Why doesn't she-*

Shame opened up within him, making his mouth taste bitter, and he felt a consuming self-hatred. "I must beg your forgiveness. Through Valeris, I know we... have something to settle. You must know.. Honor demands a duty-"

The sharp intaking hiss of her breath forced him to look at her, and he recoiled at the sheer raw hurtful in her eyes. "Then duty it will be, Spock." And she was gone.

Spock waited until he had some resemblance of control once more. Then he turned and slowly went back to Valeris.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

"My Lady, you would have made a fine Romulan."

Amanda chuckled and patted the black silk of his sleeve. "I will take that as a compliment, I think. Though why you allowed the distraction, I am curious." *Very.*

Archernar smiled wickedly. "The hunt entertains me."

Her eyebrows arched at the thought of anyone foolish enough to truly hunt Saavik. "She is not easy prey," she warned. She thought back to their furious argument on Vulcan and sighed. *Even her friends can barely hold her.*

"That is what makes it worthwhile." He tilted his head, considering. "Although, there is something to be said for a plasma rifle."

Amanda laughed. "You wouldn't dare!"

"I am Romulan, I would dare anything."

Amanda grimaced. *Unfortunately, that's my problem.*

"Now, tell me about this Valeris."

"The one I would distract you from Saavik with?" she asked innocently.

His mouth crooked at the corners. "The very."

Amanda took a deep breath. *And I have some ocean front property on Vulcan...* "She is young-"

"A quality in her favor. Pray continue."

"Pleasing to look at."

"Like Saavik?" he asked slyly.

Amanda gave him a glower. "Intelligent."

"Vulcans have that nasty habit."

Amanda gave his arm a smack. He grinned, cheerfully roguish and - she grimaced again - utterly handsome. *If Spock does not show something soon...* She stifled a desire to shiver. *She is still a woman. And far too long alone.*

Amanda eyed Archernar thoughtfully, not wanting to consider it, but still feeling a terrible need to know. "You," she swallowed and began again, "you would treat her well?"

He blinked, frowning. "Subterfuge or not, I assure you, I am quite capable of greeting your Valeris appropriately."

She looked at him, her face completely still.

"Ah," he said, understanding. "Saavik." His face softened. "I would give her anything she desired."

Amanda sighed. *I did not need to hear that.*

Valeris caught sight of them and did a double take. Her mouth thinned frostily arrogant at Archernar while Admiral Cartwright frowned disapprovingly at Amanda.

"Our apparent popularity is astounding," the Romulan murmured. "Would this be your Valeris?" He clucked his tongue at Amanda. "You have a rather nasty streak in you, my Lady."

He eyed Valeris carefully as if he held coin rather than Amanda's arm. He shook his head dismissively. "Who would be fool enough to take that over my Little Cat?"

Amanda forced a weak smile.

His eyes went wide in disbelief. And then he laughed, and the sound made Amanda feel sick.

"Good evening, my Lady Valeris," he purred and swept an elegant bow. "I am delighted to make your acquaintance."

Saavik fled from Spock.

Sarek excused himself abruptly from the Romulan envoy and turned, moving through the crowd as quickly as decorum would allow. His dark eyes scanned the swirling press around him, rapidly searching for Amanda. *She always knows how to deal with the child.*

But his wife was nowhere to be found. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, considering. It would be unwise to attempt a call through their bonding; the sheer number of minds about would make the effort painful for Amanda. Sarek glanced at the chronometer. Perhaps...

The first of the talks were scheduled to begin in only twenty minutes. *The child will have to wait.*

Sarek started to turn away and then he caught sight of his son. He sighed, suddenly feeling old.

The corridor outside the recreation room was almost as crowded and he hesitated. *Which way?*

Something Amanda had mentioned once stirred in the back of his mind. He caught the first crimson uniform to cross his path, ignoring the shocked look on the young ensign's face at the breach of Vulcan propriety. "The location of the main observation deck?"

"Uh, sir, it's closed for-"

Sarek's eyes bored into him and got his answer.

He commandeered a turbolift and found himself deposited at the great doors in next to no time. He flicked a look about him and found the area satisfactorily empty. Sarek stepped forward and reached for the controls. A curious sensation of unease rippled along the back of his mind. He shook his head. *Most illogical.*

Yet, he squared his shoulders grimly, bracing. The doors parted. The cavernous room echoed darkness upon darkness, shadowing even the brilliance of the stars outside the viewports.

Sarek slowly scanned the room, searching the near blackness for the child's familiar form.

And found nothing. The faintest of frowns touched his mouth and then a wry memory returned.

*...Their number agrees with our scans. Your readings indicate otherwise?*

*No, Father, they do not...But there IS another.*

Very quietly, Sarek lowered his mental shields, feeling out for Saavik as carefully as he would track a le'matya in Vulcan's night. *There.*

Sarek gathered his robes soundlessly and slipped towards the furthest alcove, resisting the logic to call for lights. Diplomacy suggested a concession. *Our relationship is already less than what Amanda would call 'sterling'.*

He stopped just outside, behind the protection of the corner and eyed the blackness inside, remembering uncomfortably one night long ago on a small ship flying from the Romulan Empire.

*Where is the child, Spock?*

*Her name is Saavik, Father.*

*She attacked S'tvan. He has been taken to Sickbay in critical condition.*

*I will find her and determine her reasoning for-*

*Reasoning? The child has no REASONING, Spock. She is savage.*

*She cannot be blamed for her abandonment, Father.*

*Spock, I have heard enough excuses. I will have a team search the ship. She will be found and confined in isolation until we reach the station.*

*Father-*

*Return to your post.*

Sarek felt the irony. Now again, it was he who found her. She perched on the alcove's lone bench, her usually bright uniform insignias dulled and insignificant. The past overlapped, and Sarek remembered staring at a barbarian fury all skin and bones held together by dirt, sores, and rage. Her eyes had blazed hate from the horrifyingly small ventilation duct she had strategically wedged her starved frame in. The shard of glass from S'tvan's mirror clenched expertly like a dagger in small white knuckled fingers. Her hair, all wild tangles and impossible snarls, had fallen about her face - making her seem some wild thing belonging more to the desert than to the smooth sophisticated lines of civilization.

*And I was afraid.*

Sarek blinked, and the past receded. "Saavik?"

Her head snapped up and even in the dark, he could feel the heat of her eyes.

Sarek sighed and seated himself on the bench. He felt her tensing as she pulled tightly into herself. *No doubt expecting a reprimand.* His shoulders ached and he looked down at his hands in the shadows. He was too old for these battles. *After all the... pain... I have gotten my son back. Amanda should have the daughter she chooses.*

"Tell me." His upswept ears caught the sudden hiss of her breath, and a careful glance saw she had backed further into the darkness, but not out of anger.

*She is...alarmed.* Sarek's eyebrow rose in disbelief. Between the stories from Amanda and Spock, he had not thought anything could claim such a feat from this one.

It made him uneasy. *Oh, my son, what has happened?*

And then he knew. *It is not the subject, but the audience she fears.* Sarek felt a great heaviness in his side. *I am failing again.*

"I understand." His eyes found the stars outside. They were cold and bitter. *There is no logic then to my presence here any longer.* But he could not bring himself to stir from the bench. Instead, he found the intense desire to stay, to say or do something, to...

*Not repeat my son.*

He felt a chill whisper along his spine, and a terrible fear of his own. But he, with all his years of diplomacy, did not know where to begin. The memories of his son's face as he left their home on Vulcan stole his certainty.

He glanced over at her again, and his desire to break through showed her in a whole new light. Saavik was not a child anymore. She was a grown woman, had been for years, the one who won battles to be Vulcan that he never had to face, and the one who had saved his son's life more than once.

*How did I not see it?* An ugly irony shifted his mouth. *She lives in my home, and I do not know her.*

Hellguard had rent an uncrossable chasm between them from the beginning.

Sarek lowered his eyes. *I cannot alter what was. * The softest of thoughts brushed his mind and a fierce determination glinted in his eyes. *Or can I?*

He remembered the biting dust that whipped the air into a choking haze that day. And how his son stood and won the impossible from her. Simply through- *Acceptance.*

"I am Sarek of Vulcan," he said abruptly, rising to face her at last.

She eyed him, instinctively suspicious in her confusion. "I do not understand."

He fixed a challenging stare on her, knowing that she would innately respond to its force. "I am Sarek of Vulcan." His long fingers did not falter as they split in the tradition as old as Surak himself. "I stand as your equal and greet you. Live long and prosper."

The stars reflected in the sudden wideness of her eyes. "You..." She shook her head not believing, yet unable to look away.

*Because you want it to be so,* he realized. And the insight made his heart beat harder in his side.

He waited, not daring to move.

She hesitated still, completely open to his eyes in the moment, searching his face so intensely that Sarek found himself actually holding his breath.

"I am Saavik," she said with infinite softness into the darkness around them. And shyly she stood and lifted her hand. "Peace and long life."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Come now, my friend Valeris, surely you dance?"

Cartwright snorted and excused himself. Valeris leveled an icy stare at Archernar. "Dancing is not a Vulcan pastime." She flicked a sideways glance at Spock. "However, it is my understanding that Lieutenant Commander Saavik is well versed in the subject. Perhaps you should ask her."

Spock's head snapped up and Amanda's eyes narrowed. *You little-*

Archernar's smile exposed wicked teeth. "Indeed? Of course, social etiquette is the mark of a lady." His eyes met Amanda's with a merry glint. "Is that not so?"

Amanda smothered a smile. "Quite. Amongst the diplomatic corps it is almost a requirement." She fixed Valeris with a stare. "Ambassador Sarek is an exceptional dancer."

Spock's eyebrows drew together. "I have not seen Father dance, Mother."

Amanda patted his arm affectionately. "Of course not, dearheart, you're rarely at any Corps functions." *Speaking of which... * She frowned and looked around for her husband.

"He left," informed Valeris smoothly.

"That's right." Amanda eyed her chronometer. "The first round of negotiations is about to start."

"I believe he had a rather more private... appointment in mind."

Amanda's eyes abruptly became slits. *What are you implying?* "With?"

Archernar stepped closer and flashed a disarming grin. "With a most exquisite woman, my Lady Amanda. But have no concern," his mouth became teasing, "I am sure he shall survive the experience."

Amanda laughed. "Saavik!"

Spock shifted uncomfortably.

Valeris tilted her head craftily. "You are concerned, my teacher?"

"Valeris," Amanda warned.

"I was merely inquiring." She caught Spock's eyes. "Saavik has been... rather volatile of late."

Spock's gaze dropped, and his mother, who well knew how to read her son, saw the blame controlled behind his Vulcan disciplines.

Amanda frowned. *What is going on?*

"Ah, friend Valeris," smiled Archernar thinly, "that could merely be the result of the company she keeps."

Spock's gaze whipped back up, probing the Romulan's face intensely. Archernar raised his eyebrow innocently in return while Amanda scowled at them both.

Valeris caught something behind them and her expression darkened, making Amanda turn and inhale with delight.

Ambassador Sarek, in all his most regal dignity, was escorting Saavik towards them. Amanda bit her lip to keep from beaming, and didn't know how her ribcage could hold her beating heart.

Saavik bowed deeply to her as they came to a stop, but Amanda felt a pang as she realized that Spock had stiffened behind her. She returned the formality and extended her two fingers to her husband. He touched her gently.

"What of the negotiations?" asked Valeris deliberately.

Sarek looked at Saavik, and Amanda caught the glint in his dark eyes. "They were successful, I believe."

The corner of Saavik's mouth twitched. "They were." Her eyes found Spock softly, but when he looked away, they returned to Valeris, and something new filled the look she gave the cadet: perception. Amanda resisted the urge to laugh.

Archernar gave Saavik a noble bow. "Lady Saavik, my friend Valeris informs me that you dance."

Saavik shocked them all by actually nodding at Valeris. "She is correct."

The cadet swallowed uneasily. Saavik looked at Spock, but he only returned it with rigid formality. She tilted her head back at Archernar. "I assume a gentleman of your social standing is also familiar of the art?"

His smile was pure Romulan mischief, and he caught her hand, drawing it again to his lips. "You may be assured that I am quite... talented in every art."

Amanda's jaw dropped as Saavik's mouth ever so slightly curved at one corner.

"Have you a preference?" he asked, the sly warmth of his tones daring Spock.

But the Vulcan remained carved in stone and Saavik felt a deep stab. *I forget. I am only duty.* She forced the pain back, refusing to meet the triumph in Valeris' eyes, and then drew herself up defiantly at them all. *Then I accept the decision.* "That would not be logical."

Archernar's lips twitched and he offered her his arm. Saavik felt curiously numb inside as she touched the black silk. Archernar's smile filled her mind and she allowed him to take her. He nodded once to the musicians along the wall and the music began. The warm sensuous sounds of the Romulan Empire rolled like a wave of fire through the crowd, promising an easy escape in pleasure, and subconsciously she felt her heartbeat quicken, wanting release.

His eyebrow climbed suggestively. "Shall we begin?"

Saavik firmed her jaw.

They danced.

The majority of worlds throughout the known universe preferred actual physical contact in their dances. The Romulan Star Empire did not, and Saavik always wondered at the curiosity of the difference, attributing the lack of touch to be perhaps some remnant of Vulcan amongst an easily impassioned people. A built in distancing.

She had never been more wrong.

Her senses unlocked as naturally as if the music held a key, and she found she could not look away from the sudden intensity in his eyes. Their bodies moved together as if they were one, their ambient heat like the space between two dangerously encircling stars. She could feel his breath upon her skin, his presence hotly hovering like a lover's hand. His scent filled her nostrils and sent her blood roaring in her ears, drowning out everyone and everything except him.

She dared use him in her defiance, and it was backfiring on her.

They spun faster. He led, his body drawing hers instinctively, the electric space between them narrowing and intensifying until it seemed to overcharge the very air about them. Her skin flushed bronze, tingling with a fire she remembered somewhere in the hidden places of her mind, and her breathing went wild, urging her to defy, to-

Archernar suddenly saw *into* her, and she knew her reaction was bared to him.

He abruptly tore away and the music collapsed. Saavik felt a raw ripping agony and nearly staggered. She blinked furiously, forcing biocontrol over her hammering heart, and swallowed harshly, her throat metallic. She realized she was sweating and frowned, trying to reorient herself. The crowd was applauding feverishly, the Klingons roaring their approval.

But why had he left? Was there no one now?

And then the cooling presence of Ambassador Sarek was there and the music began again. But this time the smooth liquid tones of an Earth waltz rolled through the vaulted room and Saavik found herself swept gently into steady arms as easily as a babe. His dark eyes caught hers, and Saavik felt her mind focus and grow sharper, her body's storm sliding away as smoothly as the sand before Vulcan's winds. And she felt a second stab of pain, this time of utter gratitude.

The two of them spun gently, drawing an almost tangible aura of calm about them, their bodies floating together in mesmerizing beauty that captured the crowd's eyes and held their breath. Time stilled and Saavik was aware of nothing but the simple delight of being held. And for the first time in her life, she felt utterly and completely safe. She felt Sarek's powerful presence wrap around her and behind it, just as unwavering, Amanda's. And then it was done.

The crowd applauded again, quieter, but this time, she realized the approval itself was somehow louder. She blinked again and straightened her shoulders.

"I am in your debt, sir." Her voice was low and quiet as she bowed.

When she looked up, the softness in his eyes surprised her and her own widened as he took her arm gently. "Less so than you think, my child." Then a glint touched his gaze as his eyes found Amanda in the crowd ahead of them. "Though perhaps it might change."

Amanda was furious. She wheeled on Spock, her robes flaring, and he almost flinched. "You and I will have a discussion, Spock."

Valeris stepped defensively closer to him, but Spock's eyes flashed a surprising anger at his mother and Valeris instinctively edged back, watching. "With all due respect, Mother, I do not require a lecture."

Amanda's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "You require a damn good one! What are you *thinking?*" She pushed herself almost against his chest and glared up at him with the hot temper that, he suddenly remembered uncomfortably, had backed down more than one Klingon successfully.

But his chin rose stubbornly even as a terrible fear began to blossom inside. *And when she knows of what I have done?* He took refuge in the only escape he had. Ironically, also the only one that would keep Saavik's honor intact. "Do not force me to quote the Vulcan Privacy Act, Mother."

Amanda looked like she was about to explode. "Don't you dare hide behind Vulcan now! I won't have it!" She stabbed a perfectly manicured finger at his side. "You've made your preference clear, but as my son I expected you to behave at least with decency."

*Decency.* The word stung instantly against his soul, almost as painfully as the abrupt tears filling her eyes. But Valeris stepped close again, brushing him ever so lightly that only some far part of his mind noticed. Spock felt his throat constrict and no words came.

Amanda's chin lifted higher, fighting a losing battle against her emotions. Spock felt an insane pride at the intensity of her care for Saavik, even as he longed to ease his mother's heart. But suddenly the memories of Genesis reappeared and his body trembled at the horror of what he had done. *You do not understand, I ... have...* And he was brutally pushing Saavik down again, bruising her violently as she fought in dust and sweat, but he was stronger and-

Spock inhaled shakily and Valeris stepped silently back again, unnoticed.

*Then duty it will be...*

"Mother... it is her choice."

But Amanda would have none of it and her anger snapped back. "What choice? She's alone-and shame on you for making your father do what you should have! Even a *Romulan* showed more responsibility."

Spock felt a flash of ripping pain. It was all he could do to keep his shoulders straight. "Mother, I-"

Amanda locked deadly eyes on Valeris. The young cadet stiffened. "*You* will never step foot in my house."

Valeris' head jerked back, and Amanda's trembling fury turned back on Spock, the sharp betrayal in her eyes was almost more than he could bear. "And you-"

Spock felt his heart freeze. Once more he stood before his parents the day his Starfleet acceptance went through, and saw the wall go up in his father's eyes. *Mother, don't.*

"And *you* will not ever-"

Her voice broke as Saavik was suddenly there, laying an unshakeable but soft hand on her shoulder.

"No."

Spock had never been more grateful to Saavik in his life. It made the sudden stab of remorse and guilt more ugly.

"Go with Saavik," Sarek said quietly to his wife, his unreadable eyes burning into Spock's without mercy.

He waited, utterly silent, until Saavik had led Amanda away gently and the crowd had enfolded them safely, then he turned his piercing gaze on Valeris. "The Klingon Ambassador has informed Admiral Cartwright that Federation negotiations may prove successful at last. He believes that if two enemies may embrace in dance, then perhaps two may meet in truce. The Admiral wishes to speak with you."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Thank you," Amanda said, sniffing softly, and took the moist washcloth. Her gratitude ran deep, more than the words could imply. Saavik stopped her from making the biggest mistake possible with Spock. She cringed to think of what she almost did. "But if you apologize one more time, I'm still going to hurt you."

Saavik's eyebrow rose sardonically in the dim lighting of the guest quarters. "In response to your first statement, you are welcome. In response to the latter, that is doubtful, and as I am the source of the entire difficulty, how would you recommend avoiding it?"

Amanda frowned severely and dabbed angrily at her face with the cool cloth. "Easy. Go bring me that little b-"

"A lady does not use profanity," Saavik said deliberately, and ducked neatly to miss the washcloth. "Or lose her temper."

Amanda couldn't help it; she gave a watery laugh. "You are an absolute beast sometimes."

"Most of the time," Saavik corrected, obviously pleased that Amanda was feeling better. It always bothered her to see the sadness in the human's blue eyes. "Would you care for something to eat now?"

"Are you cooking?" Amanda teased slyly.

"I am attempting to nourish you, not reduce your life expectancy."

"You're not that bad!" Amanda protested, trying to smother her grin.

Saavik gave her a look and headed for the room's replicator. She activated the unit and looked back over her shoulder. "Have you a preference?"

Amanda noticed the way the dimmed lighting softened Saavik's features, bringing out her beauty gently. She thought of Archernar and her son. Her sigh cut deep. "Yes, but it doesn't seem to matter."

Saavik's brow drew down in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

Amanda grimaced. "Nothing." She made her way to the couch and sat down. "Choose for me. Something light, I think."

The door chimed.

Saavik very nearly scowled. She exchanged a hesitant look with Amanda, and then took a quiet breath and marched resolutely to the door. "Come."

The door slid back and this time Saavik did scowl.

"That," bowed the Romulan with a mischievous smirk, "is no way to greet a friend, Lady Saavik."

How dare he! After abandoning her earlier! "Forgive me," she said dryly, "you are quite correct. Pardon me while I go and fetch my blade."

Archernar clucked a reproving tongue. "What insane soul granted you possession of a sharp-edged object?"

Amanda grimaced. "It was perfectly logical at the time." She waved him in, ignoring the pointed stare Saavik threw in her direction.

He chuckled and accepted a seat on the same couch as Amanda, setting in with all the flaring grace of an aristocrat.

"Would you care to have some refreshment with us, Mister Archernar? Saavik and I were about to have some lunch."

The Romulan inclined his head. "Ever gracious, Lady Amanda. I would be honored." His dark eyes then grew teasing as he slid a glance to Saavik. "I trust Vulcans have the same codes as Romulans in regards to poisoning their honored guests?"

Saavik paused right in the middle of punching in the order. She fixed him with a hard stare. "Do they have the same in regards to tempting their honored hosts?"

Archernar cleared his throat abruptly. "Uh, perhaps a cup of tea only. The banquet is scheduled for this evening and I," he patted his belly and gave Amanda a grin, "would be terribly remiss if I failed to sample such a feast thoroughly."

Saavik barely contained a derisive snort and reprogrammed the synthesizer. She needed to teach Archernar one thing: that their dance together was nothing more than the act of defiance she made it. And with Amanda so upset, Saavik knew she had support in keeping the Romulan at bay.

Amanda chewed her lip thoughtfully, eyeing Archernar. "As you are no doubt quite aware, diplomatic social functions do require accompaniment. I would be honored if you and your companion were to take seats beside my husband and I at the banquet."

Saavik's brow wrinkled at Amanda.

Archernar inclined his head pleasantly. "I thank you for such an offer, Lady." His dark eyes flicked to touch the smooth lines of Saavik's body; she silently warned him away. "However, I am still awaiting my own companion's acceptance." She stiffened and he smiled roguishly at Amanda. "I believe I must relegate myself to one of the lower tables."

Amanda's nose wrinkled in affected disapproval as she clearly controlled her amusement. "A gentleman of your abilities should be placed appropriately. Perhaps I should speak with your lady."

Saavik blanched. She quickly collected the delicate cups of Vulcan tea and served them, concentrating on being as invisible as she had once been on Hellguard.

Amanda latched onto her as precisely as a tractor beam. "Saavik?"

She winced internally, avoiding meeting that blue gaze. What was Amanda doing? First she pressed on the Spock issue and now... "Yes?"

"Are you attending the diplomatic banquet tonight?"

She cleared her throat, flicking a stabbing look at Archernar. He smiled innocently back. "Ah, no, I regret that my duties as a Starfleet officer preclude-"

Amanda smiled. "Your captain is that charming fellow I met last night, yes?"

Saavik sighed. Captain Osrev was about to be appealed to by a certain human woman. This appeal was going to end with her having her schedule cleared so she may attend the banquet.

She said determinedly, "I do not possess suitably appropriate attire."

Archernar's grin became positively wicked. "Consider it attended to."

Amanda's mouth curved into a responding smile. "Good."

Saavik gazed pointedly at the older woman, silently promising retribution. It only grew worse when Amanda grinned cheerfully in the face of the promised revenge.

As for Archernar, she would find out why he left her on the dance floor the moment Amanda was out of earshot.

Amanda fought the desire to fidget. It took all of her will power just to keep her eyes on James Kirk, and it was a losing battle. She switched the ornate champagne glass to her other hand and kept her best smile pasted in place.

"Patience," murmured Sarek softly, just loud enough for her to hear. Then his voice took on the subtle dryness it always did when he prepared to tease her. "I am certain we will know when they arrive."

Amanda glared at him, even as a smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. She flicked a glance around the crowd. There was still talk of "the dance" going around. She smothered a grin as she caught some of the nearest conversations. Her eyes slid sideways to catch Spock, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing outright. He was listening, too. And almost scowling.

Amanda met Sarek's eyes and tilted her head ever so slightly in their son's direction. He inclined his head in calm approval.

Calm now that she had gone immediately to Spock begging forgiveness for what she almost did. Thankfully, he did forgive the unspoken words and just as thankfully, for the sake of restored peace, he hadn't noticed she didn't recant what she had said to Valeris.

She choked back her disappointment. She had so wanted to spend time with her son and her two chances so far were spoiled. First by Valeris and second by her own temper.

On her other side, Leonard ducked his head close to rasp in a whisper, "This is going to be fun." His eyes tagged Spock and then glinted conspiratorially at Amanda. "Care to place a gentleman's bet?"

"Leonard!"

"Jim's holding the pool."

"Leonard!"

He grinned his best good ol' Southern boy grin and waggled an eyebrow.

Amanda suddenly realized to her horror that Kirk had stopped talking and opened her mouth to apologize when she got a good look at his face. *Why, it's been years since I saw tha-* Amanda took a deep breath and spun.

They had arrived.

Leonard whistled softly. "Well, I'll be *damned*."

Amanda nodded mutely, wondering if anybody would notice now if she cried.

They were perfect.

Amanda swallowed hard, the glass in her hand utterly forgotten. The press of people about her seemed to inhale as eyes from two empires and a federation found themselves caught and held unmovable in something deadly close to awe.

The roguish businessman was gone and in his place stood a man so formally regal that Amanda found the nearly overwhelming, delicious urge to bow rush instantly through her. Draped in the finest Romulan gold brocaded silk she had ever seen, he stood crisply royal with a sweeping rich cloak that lay across his broad shoulders easily and was clasped at his breast by a gleaming gemmed bird of prey broach that hailed instantly of the past. A magnificent heavy House chain angled across his lean hips, canting its jeweled links to lay against his thigh. An ornate ancient naming ring graced his hand and its rubied depths where mirrored exactly in the glittering pommel of the equally historical honor knife, strapped precisely against the leather of his high boots. His hair seemed radiant silver and crowned his head as surely as if it was a circle of gold. He held his arm out in precise accompaniment of the beauty beside him as if he was escorting his Empress. And the raise of his chin and the pride of his eyes made Amanda forget to breathe. He caught her eyes from across the room and very deliberately drew them to Saavik.

Amanda inhaled.

She was beyond exquisite. Intricately gold finished emerald silk clad Saavik's fine body gently, the Vulcan design to the gown still subtly enhancing the graceful curve of breast and the swell of hip. The delicate skin of her shoulders caught the eye, the smooth line of her breastbone drawing the breath. Her dark hair was brushed exotically up, clasped artfully in gold clasps that shot rich highlights through her captured curls. A sweeping gold wrought necklace lay softly at her throat, its faceted emeralds seeming to glow against the smoothness of her skin, and met the elegant IDIC brooch holding the hunter green drape along her back. Delicate gold chains slid against her right wrist and a smooth emerald stone rested on her left hand. A single gold earring dangled quietly from her angled ear and there was a carefully controlled aloofness to her chin that granted a dangerous, but arresting, power to her gaze.

And her gaze had fallen on Spock.

Who was struck where he stood.

Amanda realized that her mouth had turned to cotton, and she quickly tightened her fingers about her glass to keep from dropping it.

Sarek made a soft noise at her ear that would have sounded suspiciously like a dry chuckle in anyone other than a Vulcan. Amanda elbowed him viciously and nearly sloshed her champagne.

She gave Archernar credit. The pair of he and Saavik carefully and proudly represented each side of the Neutral Zone, but their differences complimented, instead of contradicted, each other. They personified celebrating diversity. No one could find fault with them.

Make that, no one *should* find fault with them.

She caught Valeris' face out of the corner of her eye. The young cadet was outright frowning her disapproval, her body posture stiff in an equally stiff Starfleet cadet dress uniform. Amanda's mouth pulled down as Valeris leaned close to Cartwright and whispered. He nodded slowly, his already scowling visage darkening, and gestured ever so slightly to a bald, fierce looking Klingon standing mostly in the shadows near the great windows. The Klingon flicked a single furtive look across the room to the Romulan ambassador. Amanda and Sarek gave each other an uneasy shared glance before Captain Kirk distracted both of them with a decidedly boyish grin.

"Does the Diplomatic Corps still use dance cards?"

Leonard snorted. "Get in line."

"Age before beauty?" Kirk teased back.

"You betcha, boy. Now excuse me, there's some responsibilities this ol' doctor's got." He made a beeline for Saavik.

Amanda's mouth twitched hard as McCoy inclined his head at Archernar, and then executed an old styled bow to Saavik before taking her hand and kissing her fingers with all the polish of Southern charm. Saavik's eyes widened at the gesture, but she smoothly regained her composure.

Sarek's eyebrow rose significantly. He turned and offered his arm to Amanda with a glint breaking his usually somber eyes. "I believe it would be only socially appropriate to properly greet them, my wife."

Amanda did her best to keep the grin off her face and slipped her arm about his. "Imminently logical, my husband."

She nearly lost to a laugh when she realized that Kirk was already making his way through the crowd to do the very same thing.

Behind her, keeping himself separate and primly formal, Spock turned away and moved further into the crowd.

Amanda swept a flawless curtsey, relishing in a flood of delight as Saavik's fine cheeks colored gracefully at the honor. Sarek bowed next, classically Vulcan, and Amanda felt another swell at the pride in the set of his shoulders.

"It is fortunate this function is not located on Vulcan," Sarek said calmly as he straightened. "You have not yet designated your House contact for... inquiry."

Saavik's usual obliviousness about her worth rose to the fore. "You are a consummate diplomat, sir. I am honored at your embellishment."

Sarek's eyebrow rose with all the sudden assumed dignity of his years. He looked at Amanda. "You will correct the child?"

Amanda smiled beautifully. "No, dear, this evening will be correction enough."

She flicked a look around the healthy and rather rapidly expanding ring of male well wishers, noting the quiet observation of the unbonded Vulcan men about the room, and nearly turned to see Spock's face. But she was irrationally afraid of what she might see in it, and forced her back firmer and her smile brighter.

Archernar's smile was entirely over Saavik and took on a sudden, almost child's delight when she lifted her gaze and eyed him thoughtfully back.

Amanda's grip on Sarek's arm tightened. She knew, too late, what Saavik did not. Archernar learned through their dance that Saavik's body might respond, but her heart and soul remained uncaptured, and suddenly the predator wanted more than a taste of his prey. He left at that moment to regain his own senses, recovering from the sudden knowledge that he didn't desire Saavik's body, he desired her. All of her. He came back later, facing her rejection over his abandonment because he was unable to stay away, even as he risked more of himself now.

And Amanda had handed Saavik over to his grasp.

Sarek cleared his throat, his eyes carefully on the Romulan with a father-like intensity that warmed Amanda beyond words, even as she kicked herself for forcing Saavik here. "My wife and I would be honored if you would join our places."

Archernar's eyes glinted mischievously. "At the banquet?" he asked innocently.

Amanda nearly kicked him, knowing the Romulan was playing with an old Vulcan phrase. *Our places. Our Houses.*

Saavik tilted her head, frowning softly, missing the subtle touch of an ancient way, and Amanda for once was more than glad that Saavik's studies held the incredible gaps from her 'catch-up' rush.

"You are ever the rogue," Amanda smiled, playing at being equally innocent.

Archernar's lips twitched and he inclined his head gracefully, casually ignoring the interested males about Saavik as if his gold about her wrists held more security than their links appeared. But Amanda caught the watchfulness of his dark eyes, so much so that he disregarded the interested gazes aimed at him, and she suppressed a knowing smile. Saavik was still elusive prey.

Archernar saw someone back in the crowd, somewhere behind Amanda, and the look that passed instantly over his face was frighteningly calculating. And victorious. Amanda fought the urge to shiver, and subconsciously drew nearer to the warm safety of Sarek before glancing along his gaze.

Spock.

Her son's face might as well have been carved of the hardest stone. *Gol would be proud,* Amanda thought bitterly. But then she saw his eyes, and her fingers tightened into the fabric of Sarek's robe with a flash of hope.

Unshakably he held Archernar's gaze, and though he made no move to confront the Romulan, there was a burning blackness in his eyes that did make Amanda shiver.

*I have seen that look before.* She looked hurriedly to Sarek for confirmation. A new line marred her husband's forehead and he nodded once, his own gaze suddenly sharp and searching.

Amanda chewed her lip uncertainly. *But it is too early! There must be some other thing we are overlook-*

Valeris!

The young cadet met Amanda's gaze calmly. And stepped closer to Spock.

The soft chime for the call to dinner made everybody blink. Saavik turned calmly to Archernar, arching one eyebrow.

His mouth twitched and he nodded his head. His dark gaze lingered over Saavik's fine lines and Amanda frowned at the barely contained enjoyment in his eyes. And frowned harder when she realized that Saavik was beginning to return it.

This was not the plan. Saavik was to keep her disregard for Archernar, and Spock was to get a jolt and get over here.

"I am fairly certain," Sarek murmured so low next to her that only she could hear, "that dragging our son across a diplomatic function by his ear would invoke significant discussion."

Amanda grimaced at him. "Are you daring me? Why are you not dealing with your protégé? You got along well enough on the cruiser."

Sarek stiffened. "That is not humorous, my wife." He took in Valeris carefully. "And I have been appraised of significant details since."

Amanda's own eyebrow rose. *Saavik. They must have had some talk.*

"Shall we take our places?" Sarek asked casually.

Amanda nodded. She pinned Saavik with her 'best obey me NOW' look. "Care to join us?"

Saavik eyed Amanda carefully, her innate stubbornness rising, but Amanda met her gaze immovably and they had an audience. The younger woman slowly inclined her head.

Amanda smothered the smile that threatened when she realized that Saavik kept her wary watch the entire way to the tables.

Valeris sat at Spock's right hand, directly across from Saavik, and Amanda fumed silently. That child had more connections than was naturally healthy, and her deliberate flaunting of it was making Amanda's blood boil.

*It is a good thing we're in public,* Amanda thought grimly as she speared her green beans. She flicked a careful look sideways and nearly choked.

Saavik had dropped her ear close to Archernar's mouth and was listening intently.

Amanda cursed her human hearing and tapped Sarek's boot under the table. He shook his head ever so slightly.

Apparently even Vulcan hearing wasn't helping. *Damn.*

She realized she was using that word more and more. It must be Saavik's influence. She pretended interest in her dinner.

Saavik's mouth set in a line that would have made Amanda rather ill had it been directed at her. Sharp eyes brushed Admiral Cartwright down the table's length chatting companionably with the Romulan ambassador, flicked back to the deadly Klingon Amanda had noticed earlier, and then landed squarely and dangerously on Valeris. And focused.

*Just what is going on?*

Valeris suddenly became aware of Saavik's dark scrutiny and her lips froze over her glass. Very deliberately, she raised a mocking eyebrow.

But all the mocking was wiped right off her face when Saavik's mouth curved into a predatory line.

"You are free tonight, Cadet? Excellent," Saavik murmured, her smooth tones sending cold shivers down Amanda's spine. "I will find you." Her eyes glinted terribly. "Be available."

Beside her, Archernar merely sipped his wine casually and threw a wink at Amanda. Then, without even his knowledge it was coming, hell broke loose.

Spock put down his fork. "Cadet Valeris has a prior appointment."

Saavik's eyes tapered dangerously at him. "Reschedule."

"That is not possible," he said, his eyes meeting hers head on.

"There are always possibilities. Reschedule."

He tilted his head back, recognizing his words, but not their use as her call to see what he was doing. "Unless Starfleet lines of authority have dramatically altered, I believe a superior officer takes precedence in scheduling conflicts."

Amanda winced at the frosty tones in his normally rich voice. But she nearly cringed at the utter winter of Saavik's.

"Correct. And unless Starfleet regulations have dramatically altered, I believe that superior officer is I."

Spock's spine stiffened. "Explain."

"Admiral Nogura requested that I assume responsibility for command track cadets showing potential for Fleet acceptance. Including providing in-field experiences and requiring both verbal and written evaluation reports of all progress in interactive development." She turned dark eyes on Valeris. "I am prepared to evaluate Cadet Valeris."

Valeris set down her glass looking poorly.

Spock's face tightened. "What will your evaluation accomplish?"

Saavik's eyes held unreadable blackness. "Fleet placement upon graduation."

"That is an inordinate level of responsibility."

Amanda's jaw dropped. Beside her, Sarek went still with surprise.

Saavik's voice went tight. "And do you, sir, find me lacking?"

Spock hesitated for a moment and Amanda felt a surge of relief. Then his eyes dropped temperature further and she felt only a helpless sense of horror. "In this aspect, I must disagree with Admiral Nogura's assessment."

Had Saavik been decades younger, Amanda was sure beyond anything that she would have thrown the fine silver dinner knife in her hand. As it was, Amanda knew the sheer level of control in the desperate battle as evidenced in the clenching of Saavik's hand.

She was ashamed of her son. She wanted desperately to say something, but she feared it as much, especially after what happened earlier with her losing her temper. How horrible a day when someone must take Saavik's defense against Spock of all people! And how terrible that she held herself back from doing it.

"That is unfortunate," said Sarek calmly. Amanda gave him a private look of relief. "The Federation Council and the Admiralty majority beg to differ. Lieutenant Commander Saavik's assessments have proven highly valuable and... instructive." He met Spock's eyes unflinchingly. "In no count has she allowed emotion or personal judgment to cloud her judgment of character assessment."

Spock frowned blackly at his father.

Archernar chuckled softly, drawing all attention back to him. He idly swirled the wine in his glass before lifting it in mischievous salute to Saavik. "Indeed. I have found her rather painfully accurate."

Saavik looked away in awkwardness, remembering her past appraisal of him. Archernar reached over and laid a hand over hers. Her head shot back in surprise and found him grinning in full Romulan slyness. "But do not fear, lady, I have not held it against you."

Saavik's mouth actually twitched, causing Amanda and Sarek to exchange uneasy looks. She inclined her head back at him, her eyes beginning to glint with a slow respect. "Mister Archernar, you have, since my first evaluation, proven yourself a gentleman."

"Why, thank you." He grinned wickedly suggestive. "Inform me when you prefer otherwise."

Amanda's stomach clenched. She was thankful Archernar took any abuse of Saavik as personal, and that he was willing to support her in the face of everything. And she appreciated that he could do it without all the other tangles that she, Sarek, and Saavik were caught in. She even spared the thought that the one benefit of Spock's behavior tonight was it making Saavik put aside her prejudice in this one case.

But Amanda never counted on Saavik opening up even a small amount to the very possibilities that Archernar was hoping for and that she, Amanda, was dreading. But his support was a salve on Saavik's hurts and it started her seeing him as a man rather than a Romulan.

The benefit of putting aside prejudice was going too far.

Kirk and McCoy chuckled at the last comment. Archernar threw a wink in their direction and drank a swallow of wine. His eyes landed challengingly on Spock. "Perhaps, friend Spock, your concern rather lies elsewhere. Perhaps you are not certain of your cadet's success?"

Spock raised his chin. "I am certain Cadet Valeris will prove most instrumental within the Fleet."

Valeris all but preened, and Amanda frowned.

Archernar took another drink of wine, studying Valeris as one might a curious insect. "Of that, even I have no doubt." Saavik nearly choked on her own wine and gave him a warning glare. He pretended to ignore her. "Yet, I was not referring to your Valeris."

Saavik suddenly looked seriously uncomfortable.

Spock's eyes shifted slowly from Archernar to Saavik. This time, she did not meet his gaze. He looked back at Archernar. "I have not been the Lieutenant Commander's teacher for some time. Nor have I followed her career with sufficient attention to allow an accurate assessment."

Amanda winced, seeing the way Saavik swallowed and kept her eyes firmly down on her tightly folded hands.

How could Spock?! When Saavik, who never thought herself good enough for him anyway, was made by him to feel ashamed of herself? Failing him, as well as his rejection, was always her horror. Now she was force fed both by the being in the universe that mattered most to her. And he knew those things!

Archernar's jaw rippled and his eyes became decidedly unfriendly, even as he kept his smile firmly plastered in place. "Undoubtedly you've been highly occupied. There are few willing, of their own accord, to overlook her obvious value. Your own esteemed Admiral Nogura and the Federation Council praise her. And I may personally vouch for certain aspects of my Empire who have followed her career with interest."

Amanda and Saavik grimaced. Valeris' eyes brightened, and Sarek lifted his glass to sip wearily.

"My attention, of course, has been purely personal. My gold testifies, friend Spock, that I must find exception to your... conclusion."

Saavik frowned. "Your gold?"

Archernar's smile vanished instantly, replaced by something darkly Romulan. "Friend Spock?" he asked quietly.

Spock cleared his throat, but said nothing.

Amanda's brow wrinkled. *What now?*

Archernar's eyes actually glittered angrily and Amanda felt surprise ripple through her along with an uncomfortable feeling of fear. *This man is not to be trifled with.*

Saavik looked from Archernar to Spock, then back again.

"And when, friend Spock," said Archernar tightly, rising to his feet with barely controlled mounting fury that instantly sent a hush through the party, "did you actually intend to fulfill your word? Before or after your hell froze over?"

In another twist of the hellish night, who came to Spock's defense but Saavik herself. Her eyes became unforgiving slits at Archernar. "Explain this accusation against him."

Spock flinched.

Archernar leaned dangerously on the table, fist clenched hard. "I believe my good friend Spock is the more qualified."

Saavik looked puzzled, but expectantly, at Spock. As did now most of their table.

But Spock said nothing, merely reached into the pocket of his crisp dress uniform trousers and pulled out a single worn Romulan gold coin. Amanda couldn't believe her eyes. He carried it with him! Surely it meant something? That he wanted this touch of her, something to require him to connect with her again?

He held it out to Archernar coldly. "Take it. But you will find your arrogance in assuming her eventual acceptance to be destructive- for both of you."

*No, Spock!* Amanda saw what he was doing: with Archernar's bringing the matter up this way, Spock couldn't give it back to her now, so he'd try to deny Archernar the opening closed to him.

Archernar's eyes glinted. "How prophetic for one who cares so little for her as to admit near total ignorance of even so open a thing as her career." The Romulan snatched the coin out of Spock's hand. "You will find that it is your own assessment of character that is the faulty one. I only pray that you do not destroy what is of real value in the process."

And with an angry swirl of black silk, he whirled away from the table.

Saavik rose stiffly from her chair, bowed to Sarek and Amanda, and turned her back on Spock.

Only Amanda saw the sudden flare of pain in her son's eyes before he, too, got up and left.

Saavik ducked down to peer carefully inside the darkened ship and felt the old shiver of Hellguard slide over her skin.

This place was Romulan; the way the hot interior felt somehow military against her, its faintly male spicy smell filling her nostrils, even the way it seemed to be crouching, waiting like a beast to pounce.

Instincts long sliding into dormancy tingled alive and Saavik realized wryly she had slipped naturally into the shadows, ears straining, and hand automatically grasping at empty air as if her knife were there.

Very deliberately, she made herself stop and forced her spine straight. *I am not hunting here.*

His voice came softly from the darkest place in the belly of the small ship. "What little cat has wandered in my lair?"

*Though I may be prey, if I am not careful.*

"You left," she returned, commanding her heart's pounding to ease.

"Apparently, so did you."

She nodded.

"May I inquire why?"

She tilted her head, honestly puzzled. "For you or I?"

A low chuckle came. "You."

She shrugged once, unwilling to investigate the motive that had brought her here. Instead, she stepped further into the darkness, extending her senses outward reflexively.

He was lounging in the farthest alcove on what Saavik realized was his personal bed. He swept a welcoming hand, inviting her to sit at its foot.

Saavik hesitated and then slowly joined him. The bed was surprisingly firm, and its smooth silk covering was clean and pleasant.

She found herself suddenly all too aware of him and frowned. *I should leave.*

But she didn't move. "Tell me the meaning of your gold."

Now she felt him hesitate. Then the palm warmed coin pressed into the flesh of her hand, and reflexively, her fingers closed about the alien heaviness. She rubbed the surface gently, enjoying the raised and grooved surface curiously.

"It is said that there is no finer gold in all the galaxy than Romulan gold. It has the highest level of natural purity before refinement."

Saavik turned the coin over in her fingers, her curiosity growing. She thought over Spock's words again. "And how does this connect with me?"

Archernar gave the most soulful sigh she'd ever heard. "It is you."

Her head jerked up and she stared at his dark form. "I beg your pardon?"

"I gave Spock that coin the day I left the Enterprise years ago. He was to give it to you." His voice descended into almost shyness, and she had to concentrate to hear him breathe, "To remind you of your worth."

Saavik was speechless. The gold in her hands suddenly felt hot.

And then he touched her, his hand gently enfolding hers and drawing her to him with all the radiant promising heat of a lover.

Her heart pounded loud in her side like a wild thing trapped, and she flushed a brilliant emerald passion. Her breath came fast and hard, and her blood sang. His skin was smooth and hot, and his hands slid over her, inviting and demanding at once, drawing her body against his.

*I need to leave. . .*

The fingers of one hand wrapped themselves in his silver hair, marveling at the sheer pleasure of the sensation, the smell of his desire. For her.

She moved slowly into his embrace, feeling the shields of her mind waver like the very air of Vulcan against the consuming heat of its sun.

*Spock. . .*

A terrible pain tore along her soul and a shudder wracked her body. Archernar caught her face in his hands, forcing her eyes to his brutally and she found shame and fear welling up inside.

*Now I will be alone.*

But there was no bitterness in his eyes at all, only an infinite softness that both awed and shook her. "I understand. Do you wish to stop?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It was near ship's dawn when Valeris jolted awake in a cold sweat. She caught a hand to her throat and shuddered, still feeling the searing metal blade of Saavik's knife from her nightmare. She closed her eyes tightly, focusing until the soothing control of Vulcan discipline steadied her.

And opened them to find Saavik leaning casually against the bulkhead.

Had Valeris been anything other than Vulcan, she would have screamed. As it was, her sharp hissing intake filled the guest quarter cabin almost as loudly.

Saavik spoke wryly. "Good morning to you."

Valeris recovered, her black eyes frigid. "Your sense of privacy needs improvement."

"At the current rate, so does my sense of humor. Are you prepared to accept your evaluation?"

Valeris straightened her shoulders, trying her best to appear dignified and superior while still in her nightslip. She only succeeded in looking ridiculous. "I am not afraid of you."

Saavik's eyes lit with amusement. "You are as poor a liar as you are a Vulcan. Answer."

"Get it done," Valeris spit.

Saavik inclined her head, pushed off from the bulkhead and slid into a Starfleet formal stance with a grace that even Valeris had to admire. "Cadet Valeris, it is my finding that your adherence to the basic qualifications of the Starfleet command track is, by regulation standards, without cause for censure."

"You *what*?"

Saavik silenced her with an officer's look. "However, I am recommending additional courses and further supervised field testing before any posting considerations are submitted." She flipped a padd on Valeris' bed. "You will find a list of directed alterations and the pertinent assists to them recorded here. I suggest you peruse them in your free time." Her eyes were controlled. "Your mentor will be quite capable of providing the development direction required." She pivoted on her boot heel to leave.

Valeris was taken aback and she felt faintly dizzy. "Wait - you are... recommending me?"

Saavik's back snapped straight and she whipped back around. Valeris flinched hard at the terrible look in her eyes, feeling her nightmare shimmer again in the back of her mind.

"Do not *ever* make that mistake. I give you access to pursue your desire - only because I do not block it."

"But... why? We-"

"I believe that you may yet be salvageable. And I suggest you do not disabuse me of it."

Her chin rose defiantly. "Or what? I have placement with Admiral Cartwright, and he will override any-"

In near blinding speed, Saavik was across the room and towering over her. Valeris' pupils dilated and she pressed herself as far back into her pillow as she could physically get.

"If you ever give me cause to hunt you, you will find just how flimsy a protection Admiral Cartwright really is."

Valeris swallowed convulsively. "What are your terms?"

"Do him no harm."

"You have my word."

Saavik's brutal gaze probed her eyes, seeming to reach right into the soul, and so close, her breath was hot against Valeris' skin, and the young Vulcan found that her heart was frozen. "On your blood, I accept."

Then she spun away and was gone.

Valeris covered her throat with her hands and forced herself not to shake until the computer duty call chimed hours later.

"I didn't find you last night," Amanda said softly.

Saavik said nothing, watching the stars pass outside the transport porthole.

Amanda tried again. "I thought you might want to talk."

Saavik spoke to the vastness of space outside as if the stars were her listeners. "I needed the time."

"Alone?"

"Are you asking me something in particular?"

"Would you answer me if I did?" Amanda bit the inside of her lip and looked away. "You were right, I shouldn't have pushed you to come."

Saavik pulled her eyes off the stars and arched a calmly reproving brow. "That is an illogical recrimination. It was necessary that I come." She saw the anxiety in the strain around Amanda's eyes and mouth. If she couldn't correct anything else from the past few days, she could mend this. A faintly mischievous glint lit her dark gaze. "And I do believe that I am more than sufficiently stubborn to prevent my being pushed into anything."

From down the aisle, Sarek paused mid stroke at his portable terminal. "That much is certain."

Saavik gave him a stern look. "Are you not supposed to be compiling your report?"

His eyebrow lifted innocently. "Are you volunteering to assist?"

Amanda couldn't help it, she laughed. "You two are impossible!"

Saavik and Sarek exchanged a mutually satisfied look. Amanda was better.

"I prefer the term incorrigible," corrected Saavik.

"*Difficult* would be more accurate," said Sarek archly.

"A typical Romulan inheritance," returned Saavik.

"The devil it is," grinned Amanda, "it's all Vulcan!"

That got two sets of suddenly dignified eyebrows up. Saavik looked at Sarek. "She is *your* wife."

"Excuse me!" protested Amanda.

Saavik's mouth twitched.

"Imp," accused Amanda, her own mouth twitching in delight. "Just for that, I'm arranging your marriage." She winked at Sarek. "I believe T'Pring has an unbonded brother."

Which showed how much Amanda was at ease with her to make such a joke. Saavik outright grimaced. "That would violate the Federation's humane treatment of sentient species act."

But Sarek was agreeing with his wife. "Indeed, I have heard that he is a respectable young man."

"*Ambassador*!" protested Saavik.

"However, my wife," continued Sarek, "Saavik is already spoken for."

Both she and Amanda blinked.

"*What*?" she exclaimed incredulously, a scowl pulling at her mouth. "Who?"

"Do not be concerned, I will attend to the preparations myself," Sarek said airily and began to turn back to his terminal. "It will, of course, require some time to arrange the bonding."

Saavik all but sputtered.

Sarek's eyebrow raised loftily. "Patience, my child, is a virtue."

"He's teasing," said Amanda, eyeing him dubiously.

"Vulcans do not tease," he intoned deeply, tapping in another command to his diplomatic files. "And if I may inquire, where is our Cadet Valeris? She has been unnaturally. . . quiet since we left."

Saavik scowled at his deliberate redirection. "I believe she is meditating on the intricacies of her place in the universe."

"Ah," nodded Sarek casually, "a wise endeavor for the young."

"It has," Saavik growled, "been known to enhance the quality of life significantly at any age."

"Indeed," Sarek agreed.

"You are serious about this bonding," she accused.

"It has been said that I am always serious."

"Do I even know this person?"

"To some degree."

"And you have absolutely no intention of enlightening me do you, sir?"

"Enlightenment, like logic, must come of its own accord."

Amanda groaned. "Please let it be in my lifetime!"

"You will be continuing your stay at our home?" inquired Sarek, not taking his eyes off his terminal screen.

Saavik's eyes narrowed. "My captain has agreed to your request for diplomatic extension. However, I am not privy to the duration allowed."

"Length is irrelevant. You will accomplish what is essential."

"Do you think I have no say? I will choose my own bondmate!"

"Oh, you will agree when the time comes."

Saavik silently beseeched Amanda with such a perfectly frustrated *Do something!* look that she laughed. "Don't look at me, Saavik! He's always been this way."

Saavik's eyebrow shot up incredulously. "And you *still* agreed to bonding with him?"

"It seemed logical at the time," Amanda said cheerfully. "It's Vulcans, I tell you. Spock is the same way." Instantly she winced at her inadvertent reminder and looked worriedly to Sarek.

Saavik's face tightened and she looked away with such grave mourning that it nearly broke Amanda's heart. "Yes," she murmured softly, "I have noted the resemblance."

She hadn't said goodbye to Spock, his words of rejection at the banquet making it clear he didn't want to speak with her. And she carefully stayed clear of Amanda's and Sarek's good-byes with him so she didn't further spoil their relationship. He was their son. She wouldn't interfere with that.

Sarek rose and joined them below the viewports. "Children are often difficult." His eyes touched Amanda's and she latched on to his calm. "But they respond to truth." He laid a gentle hand on Saavik's shoulder, letting his warmth pervade the uniform. She looked up in surprise. "And time."

Saavik caught her bottom lip in her teeth and lowered her eyes to her tightened fist. Inside, hot against the flesh of her palm, was the gold coin. She lifted her eyes to the stars outside, once more taking strength and comfort from their presence.

"I will wait," she said quietly.

Sarek nodded once. "And you will not wait alone. It is, perhaps, the most important thing."

Amanda smiled.

Saavik turned to the viewport, watching the stars race them home, and she felt them settle into a companionable silence.


End file.
